So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
