All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
