I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
