My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
