I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
