Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
