It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
