and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
