I got chris browned last night
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
