who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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