I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
