And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
