Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
