What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
