just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
