Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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