Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
