you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
