I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
