i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
