Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
