We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize