Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
