...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
