did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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