i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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