careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
