Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
