And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
