I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
