im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
