I'm drive I can fine osifer
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
