u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
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