nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
