The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
