I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
