D3 body, D1 cock
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
