I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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