And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize