The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
