WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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