If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She's the barista slut.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
