My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
