just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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