Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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