If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
