I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
