Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
