I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i think im in europe. pls send help
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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