I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I would ride that face into the sunset
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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