I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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