Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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