apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
