two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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