I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
