You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
lets start a swedish sibling band together
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
