btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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