i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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