just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
