Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
