FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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