never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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