I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
