We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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