I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
