she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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