four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
