Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
